Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize