my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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