sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
