no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
