Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
