i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
