I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
