Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
