So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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