What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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