a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
