people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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