WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
