I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
