I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
