He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
