Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
