I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My life is pants optional.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
