I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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