I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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