I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
