Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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