just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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