I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
