Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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