absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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