What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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