I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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