Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
