Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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