I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
