You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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