Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
