I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
