im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
