im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
