This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
