lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
