Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still dying that you shit outside
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Two words: nipple clamps
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