I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
