I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
time to smoke my breakfast
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
