Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
