I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
