i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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