everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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