What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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