grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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