I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
