I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
