i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
