I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
