Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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