The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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