Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
