We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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