wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
