Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
