420 ftw
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
