You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found your dick twin last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
last night I used snow as a chaser
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