I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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