Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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