I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
