The maid of honor just puked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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