sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
