I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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