kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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