He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
