I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
