remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
