Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
