Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
